


Afraid

by madnephelite



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-13 18:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18036767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madnephelite/pseuds/madnephelite
Summary: Vic is afraid of commitment and has a heart to heart with Travis and then with Lucas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this :)

They are in the aid car on their way back from a call and Vic has been awfully quiet all day long. Travis is not used to that. She is usually the life of the party but today she seems miles away.

“We missed you last night.” he tells her but she doesn’t reply, doesn’t even seem to listen.

“Vic?” he says a bit louder and she finally looks at him.

“What?” she responds somewhat annoyed.

“I said that we missed you last night. What was so much more important than hanging out with your friends?” he wonders.

“Nothing, I just wasn't in the mood. That’s all.” Travis knows that she is lying.

“Vic, it’s me. I know you better than most people and that is BS. So, what gives? Where were you? And what’s with the crappy mood?”

“I’m not in a crappy mood. I’m just thinking about things.”

“What kinda things?” he inquires.

Vic looks at him and sighs.

“I was with someone last night.” Travis looks at her surprised before turning back to the road.

“Oh-kay. So you ditched your friends for a guy? I guess I can support that.”

“It wasn’t just some guy. We have been seeing each other for over four months now.” 

“Hold on.” Travis tells her as he finds an empty spot to park the aid car.

“You have been seeing someone for over four months and I’m just hearing about that now?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Is he married?” 

“What? No! Of course not!”

“Then why haven’t you mentioned him before?”

“Like I said. It’s complicated and I can’t tell you. So, please, don’t ask me who it is.” she begs him and he really wants to know. What could be so bad about this guy that she can’t tell him who it is?

“It’s someone from work, isn’t it?”

“Please, Travis. Just don’t!” she warns him and he is convinced that it’s someone they are working with but he will let it go, for now.

“Okay, I won’t ask anymore. Did you guys get into a fight?”

“No. We were sitting at this diner, something we usually don’t do. We spend most of our time in my bedroom...” Travis raises an eyebrow.

“So, this is more like a friends with benefits kinda thing?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. He said that he enjoys the bedroom part but he also enjoys the part where we are out somewhere having dinner. He wants more of that in the future and he asked me what I thought about that.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I kinda deflected and said we should get the check and then we made out in his car.” Travis chuckles.

“So, you only care about the physical aspect of this relationship and don’t want more? There is nothing wrong with that. Just tell him that.”

“That’s not it.”

“Okay. Then what is it?”

“I do like him.”

“You are kinda losing me here, Vic. You say you like him and he obviously likes you and wants to get to know you and be more than just bed buddies. What’s the problem?”

“Exactly that. The “wants to get to know me” part.” she confesses.

“I don’t understand.” Travis is beyond confused.

  
“What if he gets to know me and realizes that I’m just too intense? That I’m too much for him? That I’m not mature enough for him, that I’m too young or just not worth the trouble?”

“I take it he is older, then?” Vic nods.

“He is. He has also been married before and I’m just not sure he will still want to be with me when he sees all of me. Sex is easy, you know. I mean, I know I’m good at it and he is and we have a lot of fun together and enjoy it a lot. I don’t really have to worry about doing or saying anything wrong when it’s just sex, you know.”

“You know in the two years that I have known you I have never seen you like that. I mean, you are usually so confident and don’t really care about what people think. So, you must really like this guy if you are this worried. I mean, you must like him a lot.”

“I -- I do.” Travis can tell that she is only now realizing how much he actually means to her.

“Then maybe you should just tell him that you do want more as well and tell him that you are scared. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. You have to be honest with each other and lay all your cards on the table. I know it’s scary. God knows, it took me forever to open up to Michael and admit my feelings to him but once I did and he told me that he felt the same, it just was the best feeling in the world. And you know, maybe asking for more wasn’t that easy for him either. I’m sure he has the same fears as you do. It’s only human. We are all scared of letting people in and letting them see the real us. Sometimes, we just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. And just imagine how much better it all will be once real feelings are involved. It’s the best thing in the world.” a single tear rolls down his cheek.

She wipes it away with her thumb.

“You miss Michael, don’t you?” Travis nods.

“I do. Our anniversary is coming up. So, that makes me extra nostalgic.”

“I’m sorry, Trav. I didn’t mean to bring up the pain.” she apologizes.

“Oh, don’t be. It’s okay. Really. Look, I don’t know who this guy is but if he is smart then he is already halfway in love with you and I think you are getting there too. And he must be important if you managed to keep him a secret for over four months and well, you stood us up for a date with him and not just a booty call, so.” Travis may not know who the guy is and suspects him to be someone from the department which could potentially be messy but he hopes that his speech is helping his best friend. She seems to care about the guy and all Travis wants is for Vic to be happy. 

He watches her fidget with her fingers before looking back up at him.

“Thank you, Travis. You are a great friend.”

“I‘m your best friend. Don’t you ever forget that.” he tells her and she chuckles.

“Yes, you are. Thank you.” she unbuckles her safety belt and leans forward to hug him. He hugs her back.

“You’re welcome. And you know, you can come talk to me when you are ready.” he kisses her on the cheek as she sits back in her seat and buckles up again.

She talks a mile a minute for the rest of the drive and everything is right in the universe again.

\----------

She texts Lucas to come to her place after her shift. She is nervous about what she is about to tell him and hopes that she won’t choke and mess this up. He means a lot to her.

There is a knock at the door, she gets up to open it, tells him to come in and sit down on her couch. She joins him a moment later.

“There is something I need to talk to you about. It’s about last night.” she tells him and he sighs, then takes a deep breath as if he is readying himself for bad news.

“Look, I get it. You want to keep this casual. No strings attached.” he says.

“I don’t want to keep it casual.” his face falls.

“Oh, so, you want to end this then?” Vic’s heart hurts just thinking about breaking it off with him.

“Actually, I want the opposite.” he looks confused.

“I don’t understand.”

“The reason I didn’t answer you last night is because casual is safe. Just sleeping together is safe. Getting to know each other and making this more is scary.” she admits and he nods.

“What are you afraid of?”

“That you will realize that I’m too young and immature for you, that I’m too loud, too  _ me _ .” she shrugs while shaking her head.

“I like  _ you _ .” he tells her.

“You do now. But once you really get to know me, see all of me, that might change.”

“And once you get to know me, you may wake up and think “Why am I dating this old guy that is also my boss and comes with a lot of baggage when I could be dating someone else”.” he counters.

“I’m not good with relationships.”

“Neither am I.” she gives him a disbelieving look.

“I was married twice and both marriages fell apart. My second wife cheated on me because I was married to my job instead of her. After she divorced me twelve years ago, I buried myself in work and while there were a few dates here and there, I never felt like I wanted to get to know any of them until you.” he confides in her.

“What makes me so special?” she wonders and he smiles as he moves closer.

“You yelled at me.” she chuckles. “And then you apologized and flirted with me, awkwardly.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” she counters.

“You were and I flirted back. Just as awkwardly as you did.” the both snicker.

“We really were awkward, weren’t we?” he nods.

“What if this doesn’t work out? What happens then?” she wants to know.

“If this doesn’t work out for whatever reason, we go our separate way personally and stay professional. I promise that your job will be safe.”

  
“You can’t really promise that, can you?”

“I can promise to do my best to protect your job and that no matter what happens between us, I will never do anything to endanger it and I will treat you fair.” she nods.

“What if this does work out? We will have to tell my team and HR, right? I mean, if this works out then we can’t just stay a secret forever.”

“You are right. If this works out we will have to disclose our relationship to HR and tell your team if that is what you want. Other people will probably find out along the way. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. While I think it’s unlikely, there is a chance that I could lose my job. I don’t think you will lose yours but people will probably look at you differently and judge you for it because you are a woman. The women from this department will probably look at me and judge me too, think that I’m in some sort of midlife crises or that maybe I took advantage of you. There will be consequences but if this works out then I’m willing to deal with those consequences, together.”

“Am I just some midlife crisis?” she wonders.

“No, definitely not. Look Victoria, I have no idea what will happen. I just know that I really like you and I want to give this a try and see where it goes.”

“I want that too.” she agrees.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to say this just because you think you have to. I’m not your boss here, I’m...”

“My boyfriend?” he grins at that word.

“If that is what you want me to be.” she looks at him and bites her lip before leaning in to kiss him and it feels different already.

“I would like that very much.” she beams at him as he leans in to kiss her this time.

They make out for a little bit before she leads him to her bedroom and for the first time since she started this with him it feels like something else. Something definitely has changed. It’s not urgent or fast but instead soft and tender and Vic finds that she could get used to it.

  
  



	2. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I talked to Travis.” his eyebrows go up slightly surprised. “Don’t worry! I didn’t tell him about you. Just that I’m seeing someone. He asked but I didn’t tell him who.”
> 
> “Maybe you should.” he tells her and it’s her turn to look surprised.

She is lying in his arms, her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It’s peaceful and quiet and she feels warm and safe.

“What made you change your mind?” he breaks the silence and she lifts her head off his chest to look him in the eyes.

“I talked to Travis.” his eyebrows go up slightly surprised. “Don’t worry! I didn’t tell him about you. Just that I’m seeing someone. He asked but I didn’t tell him who.”

“Maybe you should.” he tells her and it’s her turn to look surprised.

“What?”

“I know how much you hate lying to your team especially Montgomery and I know how much he means to you. The longer you keep this from him the more damage it might do and the last thing I want is to come between you and your best friend. I would hate for our relationship to be the end of yours with him.”

“What if he reports us or just you thinking that you took advantage of me?” she wonders.

“Then we just have to show him that I’m not and that you are consenting in all this.”

“We? You wanna be there when I talk to him?” she smiles at Lucas.

“If you want me to, yes. We are in this together and you shouldn’t be doing this on your own unless you want to of course. It’s up to you. Whatever you decide.”

“I want you there but I should tell him by mself at first and then when he asks for more information and I know he will, I want you there with me. Is that okay?” she asks and he smiles at her and nods.

She moves out of his arms and grabs her phone from the nightstand to quickly text Travis to come by in the morning for breakfast and then snuggles back into Lucas’ arms.

“I told him to come by tomorrow and I will talk to him then. You really sure this is okay? I mean if he does report us...”

“Then we’ll deal with this together.” she can’t help but still look worried. He puts his hand on her cheek to caress it and then leans in for a kiss. It’s soft and warm, giving her comfort. When they pull away, she smiles at him before putting her head back onto his chest. 

“Thank you, Lucas.” she mumbles against his chest before falling into a peaceful sleep.

\----------

She wakes up the next morning, happy about her decision in regards to Lucas but also worried about what Travis will think about all this. She quickly gets up to take a shower while Lucas prepares breakfast for them. When she is done, he hops in the shower himself. 

Vic is drinking her coffee when she hears a knock on her door. She takes a deep breath and readies herself for what’s about to come.

“Travis, good morning. Come in!” she steps aside so he can enter.

Travis walks in and looks at the table with all the food.

“You made all this? It never looks this good when you cook for us at the station.” he teases her.

“That’s because I didn’t make it.” she explains.

“You mean Ripley did?” he says.

“Yeah, he did. Wait what? How did you?” her heart starts pounding. Travis knows. How did he manage to figure it out?

“Figure it out, you mean?” she just nods her head. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it last night and I knew he was older and I figured it was someone on the job and then I remembered friendsgiving and his interest in you and Mayhorn. I didn’t think much of it back then. I figured he just didn’t like his firefighters dating each other but it was him not liking  _ you _ dating anyone. And then he was our interim captain again for a while and I just remembered how you guys were with each other and the looks and how you both would find a way to be next to each other and touch all the time and it just clicked. How I managed to miss this in the first place, I don’t get. I guess I was too upset over my breakup with Grant that I wasn’t paying attention like I usually would have.” Travis explains and Vic doesn’t know what to say.

“How do you feel about it?”

“Honestly? I’m upset.” her face falls and she thinks she is about to cry. “Mostly about you not telling me sooner. I thought I’m your best friend? Don’t you trust me?”

“You are and of course I do, but this is not just about me. This is also about him. I couldn’t just tell you.”

“And why are you telling me now?”

“Lucas said I should because you are my best friend and he knows that I hate keeping this from you and he doesn’t want our friendship to suffer because we are together.” Travis gives her a small smile.

“Wow, he really must care about you because I could easily go to HR and just report him and that could cost him his job.” Vic gulps and nods.

“Are you going to report us?” Vic can’t remember the last time she was this afraid. She is not ready for everyone to know about her and Lucas.

“I should.” he stops for a moment and looks at her and his expression changes and he looks at her with understanding. “But I won’t but I do need a few answers.”

Travis hears the door to the bedroom open and watches as Ripley walks out, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair still wet.

“Hello, Montgomery.” he greets him.

“Hello, Chief.” Travis greets back. 

Ripley walks over to Vic and kisses her temple. “You okay?” he asks as she smiles and nods at him. On one hand it’s weird but on the other hand the image in front of him is a sweet one. The way he kissed her temple and immediately wanted to know if she was okay, gives Travis a peace of mind about this whole thing between them.

“Let’s have breakfast and you can ask away.” Vic tells him as they sit down. Ripley fills up a mug with coffee for himself and one for him and refills Vic’s before sitting down beside her.

“How did this happen? When did this happen?” 

“Miller’s birthday.” they say at the same time and laugh.

“Sorry. Go ahead.” Lucas tells her.

“So yeah, it was after Miller’s birthday and Lucas walked me home and we had been flirting all day long and when it was time to say goodbye, I didn’t really want him to go, so I just kissed him.” she stops and looks at Lucas to continue.

“I was surprised and didn’t know what to do and I guess it must have shown on my face because she suddenly started apologizing and was about to retreat but I didn’t want her to think that I wasn’t interested, so I kissed her and well, one thing led to another. We’ve been seeing each other ever since.” he finishes as he looks at Vic and Travis can see that he is totally smitten with his friend. 

“So basically the whole cake talk that night was all some sort of weird foreplay?” Lucas and Vic blush and Travis shakes his head at them.

“What happens next with you two? I take it you talked last night?”

“We did and I told him that I wanted more and we are going to see where this goes.” Lucas squeezes her hand and she turns her head towards him and smiles and Travis realizes that Vic is falling in love with their boss if she hasn’t already. He knows that it’s kind of a big deal for her, him being older and their boss aside. Vic hasn’t been in a serious relationship in a long time. She had told him that she wasn’t the type for it but here she was willing to risk her career and reputation for this guy.

“Okay, I gotta ask. Why her, Chief? I’m sure a good-looking guy like you can get anyone, including women his own age. You are at least fifteen year older than Vic. So, why her?”

“Because she understands and gets me and she is not afraid of my position. Did you know that she yelled at me? Twice! She ended up apologizing at the support group meeting and I was already intrigued by her when she yelled at me but that moment when she apologized, I saw a lot of strength there. It takes courage to stand up for something you believe is right especially when it means standing up to your boss and it takes even more courage to realize when you were wrong and apologize. Victoria just blew me away. I couldn’t help but flirt with her. I didn’t imagine she would ever actually feel the same way about me.” he answers without looking at Travis at all. His eyes are glued to Vic while she just smiles at him.

And then Travis laughs and they both look at him curiously.

“Oh sorry, I just realized that Vic and my first encounter was basically her telling me how to do my job and yelling at me for treating her like a little child and yet she still somehow managed to wrap me around her little finger.” Ripley chuckles.

“See you know exactly what it’s like. She did the same to me. She told me that it’s my fault that 23 sucks. That if I did my job better they wouldn’t be this bad.” Travis laughs.

“Well, she is kinda right, Chief.” Travis agrees with his friend while Ripley raises his eyebrow at him.

“See, I told you.” Vic says triumphant, throwing her arms in the air making both men laugh.

“Why do you think I want Bishop there? She could make Captain in no time and whip them in shape.” Ripley tells her and she nods.

“Maya should never find out that it’s basically your fault that she is getting transferred.” Travis chuckles.

“Trav, how do you feel about all this?” Vic’s face turns serious again.

“You mean about Maya getting transferred?” he teases knowing exactly what she is talking about. Vic gives him a look.

“You know what I mean.” she says and he nods.

“As your friend, I’m happy that you are happy and have found someone that seems to really care about you. As your colleague, I’m afraid what this will do to your career and your reputation.”

“Lucas cares about that as well.”

“I do. The last thing I want is to make it harder for Victoria than it already is for women in this job.”

“But there is not much you can do once this comes out. People will talk.” Travis says.

“You know me, Travis, I don’t really care what other people think of me. I do however care about what you and the rest of my team thinks of me and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. This was not easy for me.” she admits.

“Yeah, I’m kinda impressed that you managed to keep this to yourself for so long. You usually suck with secrets but then apparently we all suck with picking up on things because I had no idea and it was right there in front of me the entire time.” Vic snickers.

“So, are we okay?” she wants to know.

“We are okay as long as you promise to not keep something as big as this from me again.” Vic nods at him.

“Well, it’s not like there is another Chief for me to date.” she jokes and Ripley gives her an unamused look.

“You could always try and go for Chief Bailey though I’m not sure Ben would appreciate that.” Travis jokes back.

“Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen while I’m around.” Ripley tells them and Vic smiles at him as she gives him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“You really don’t have to worry, Lucas. I don’t want to be with anyone but you.” she tells him and he kisses her on the lips. It makes Travis feel a little bit like an intruder. They seem to be in their own little world.

He clears his throat and watches them pull away from each other but only slightly. They still remain close.

“Chief, I know you are my boss but as Vic’s friend, you better not hurt her, ever, or I will make it my own personal mission in life to make you pay for it.” he watches as Ripley gulps and nods.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t do something or say something that might hurt her, not with our jobs but I can promise to never intentionally hurt her. The moment she wants me to walk away from this, I will respect her wishes and leave her be without any consequences to her job or taking it out on her during the job. I know, I shouldn’t have let it get this far but as you know for yourself she just has you under her spell.” Travis nods because he knows that all too well. 

“That sounds fair. I can accept that.” he tells him as he holds out his hand and Ripley shakes it.

Travis watches as Vic smiles at them until her stomach growls and both him and Ripley laugh at her.

“Okay, now that we have that out of the way, can we go back to breakfast. I’m apparently starving.” she says as her stomach growls again and she starts inhaling her food, making the men laugh even more.


End file.
